


ghost of you

by BlueMoon333



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 13:59:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMoon333/pseuds/BlueMoon333
Summary: Yunho is still so in love with the one from his past and Changmin feels like he's the one being haunted.





	ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Selena Gomez - Perfect. I would recommend listening to the song beforehand since reading the lyrics alongside for the first time may take away from the overall experience.

 

 

 

It hadn’t always been like this. Everything had been good, wonderful, amazing. Or at least that’s the way Changmin thought it had been, but he doesn’t know anymore. Maybe he had felt more, fell too deep to not be able to salvage the pieces of himself that remained. Everything has changed, and Changmin questions if any of it were real to begin with.

 

Yunho had a lover, years ago.

 

His fiancé, actually.

 

He died.

 

Yunho had loved him more than Changmin could ever hope for. But Changmin wanted him, still. He wanted to give everything to Yunho. His love, his life, his soul. He doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. Every time they’re together, all Changmin can think about is that he isn’t _him_. That Yunho’s still so in love with someone Changmin can only ever dream of being.

 

It happened a long time ago but why does Changmin still feel such melancholy envelop him whenever they are near? Why does he feel haunted by someone who’s not there anymore? Like he isn’t enough. Like he’ll never be enough. Yunho never talks about him. Never mentions his name and this leaves Changmin grasping onto nothing but thin air.

 

So entrapped in his grief, Yunho hadn’t seen anyone in _years._ Only through the constant pressure from his peers to _move on_ did he bother to make an attempt to find someone else. Changmin only now realizes how stupid he had been, thinking he could even come close to what _they_ had. The ghost of Yunho’s past love is always there and all Changmin can do is be consumed by the images that invade his mind about Yunho doing the same things with _him_ as he now does with Changmin. He wonders if what they share could ever compare to what Yunho and his nameless lover had.

 

He can almost see it all.

 

_Different inflection when you say my name_

_Kiss me, but your kiss don't taste the same_

_Is it real or am I just going out of my mind?_

 

Did Yunho say _his_ name just as sweetly as he calls Changmin’s? Did the sound of it fill _him_ with warmth the way it does for Changmin? Does Yunho feel the same electricity that flows through Changmin’s veins when their lips brush?

 

_Curious about the company that you keep_

_'Cause I hear you talking 'bout him in your sleep_

_And now you've got me talking about him in mine_

 

Yunho tosses and turns in his sleep, with the same nightmares taking over as he relives his tragedy. And the nights where he lies in blissful slumber with that peaceful expression on his face, Changmin just _knows_ he’s dreaming about _him_.

 

_Ooh, and I bet he has it all_

_Bet he’s beautiful_

 

_Like you, like you_

 

_And I bet he’s got that touch_

_Makes you fall in love,_

 

_Like you, like you_

 

He must’ve really been something special for Yunho to still be so ensnared. Yunho, whose beauty radiates over everyone else’s. Who had smiled at him once and taken Changmin forever. Changmin can only imagine how perfect his lover must’ve been to make Yunho lose himself too. Changmin wonders if he ever made Yunho as happy when he spends many sleepless nights in mute suffering.

 

_I can taste his lips and see him lying across your chest_

_I can feel the distance every time you remember his fingertips_

 

Changmin feels like _he’s_ the one intruding on something he can’t fathom or obtain. Like they had an intimacy Changmin can never have with Yunho. In those moments, when Yunho stares into space thinking about _him_ , Changmin is frozen in his spot, coldness burning harshly in his lungs and he can’t bring himself to dare to interrupt. He knows he can never make up for Yunho’s sorrow.

 

_Maybe I should be more like him_

_Maybe I should be more like him_

 

He wonders if he should change, and if Yunho would love him more if he did.

 

_I can taste his lips, it's like I'm kissing him, too_

_Ay he’s perfect_

 

Changmin thinks he can taste _him_ on Yunho’s lips. _He’s perfect._

 

_How does he touch you? Can I try it, too?_

 

Changmin would let his hands roam over Yunho’s naked chest and wonder if this is how he would like it. Maybe he’s insane but he wants to get rid of the memory of _him._

 

_I know you're twisted, but baby, I'm twisted, too_

 

He would give Yunho everything he wants, make all of Yunho’s fantasies come true.

 

_I wanna know if he could make a man lose his mind_

 

He wonders if Yunho’s past lover could make him like this. Drive Yunho so crazy and make him worship every inch of him.

 

_Ooh, with the smell of his perfume_

_I could love him, too,_

 

_Like you, like you_

 

_And I can almost hear him laugh_

_Curving on his back_

 

_For you, for you_

 

He can imagine his lover arching his back, taking in everything Yunho gives him, just like Changmin does.

 

_I can see your body rushing into him_

_Crashing on your skin_

_Burning within, burning so deep, deep_

_On your skin, skin next to me_

 

Does Yunho picture _his_ face when he has Changmin so willingly spread out under him like this?

 

_You’re crashing on his skin_

_Settling in, burning so deep, deep_

_On your skin, skin while you sleep_

 

He wonders if it’s the same. The way Yunho leaves him so breathless and aching for him. If he whispers the same promises into his skin as he brings Changmin to the brink with him.

 

_I can taste his lips and see him lying across your chest_

_I can feel the distance every time you remember his fingertips_

_Maybe I should be more like him_

_Maybe I should be more like him_

_I can taste his lips, it's like I'm kissing him, too_

_He’s perfect_

 

Changmin leans against the headboard, feeling the cool supple sheets against the palms of his hands. Moonlight shines through the window, illuminating Yunho's figure next to him on the bed and Changmin wishes to join him in slumber. But then Yunho’s face distorts and his body curls in just slightly, as if protecting itself from agony that washes over him as he is once more engulfed by painful memories of the one who’s passed. He's seen it happen many times, when Yunho's nightmares would take over and all Changmin could do is watch while his own heart shatters over and over again at the sight. Changmin should be used to this by now. Yunho clutches at the sheets around him as he calls out his departed fiancé’s name in a strained voice. Changmin's hand halts where it had moved on its own to try to reach him as the sound of Yunho's words hits him.

 

Suddenly, Changmin is no longer where he just was, by Yunho's side. His vision swims for a moment before he can finally focus, and he finds himself in a dark corner of the room. His gaze shifts towards the curtains that are swaying with the song of the winds, but Changmin feels no breeze. As a matter of fact, he can't feel anything, not even his own breathing. His mind begins swarming with confusion but it's quickly interrupted by a feeble sound. Soon everything around him fades away and his eyes take in the scene laid before him.

 

There Yunho lays on his side of the bed, in the position Changmin last saw him in, but it's the figure huddled next to his that catches all Changmin's attention. This figure, this person, someone who's outline Changmin finds so unfamiliar yet not so unfamiliar, cradles their knees to their chest. With their head hunched over, hands covering their face, and entire body shaking. Changmin can't understand why this man weeps. His eyes go back to Yunho and he finds himself unable to move. In an onslaught of soul-eating hysteria, Changmin wills for time to move and begs for his place beside Yunho to reappear.

 

The answer to his confusion comes after a short passing of gross silence.

 

And Yunho brokenly calls out the precious name of the one he so deeply treasures.

 

“…-min… Changmin…”

 

The form next to Yunho lets out a pained noise and just sits beside him.

 

It weeps silently for the man who can never be his.

 

And in an evanescent moment of clarity

 

_Changmin remembers._

  
  



End file.
